I have self-harmed for 9 years – nearly 10 which is quite a long time to do something which is bad for you. I was doing it to express myself with the difficult emotions I was feeling and I couldn’t express myself so I would cut and scratch myself, sometimes I didn’t care how much I self-harmed so I could still be doing it an hour or two later, before I was put in hospital that was. I was low in a dark place which was horrible to be in, I would self harm with anything I could get my hands on but a lot of the time it was shards of glass or razor blades/sharpener blades. I didn’t care how much pain I was in the more pain the better I thought. It went into a daily routine I got obsessive about I wanted to do it most days but it did reduce whilst I was in hospital then when I came out during the first two years, it increased for a while until this year and now I’ve gone 6 months without a single scratch or cut which is a huge achievement for me the longest I’ve gone is maybe two months, I still struggle with urges some days are harder than others but to keep the urges less I keep myself busy by reading books/magazines, arts/crafts, adult colouring in books, writing, computer work, walking/exercise (gym or exercise classes), music, watching TV/film whilst doing an activity, using tangle toys/stress balls/fidget cube, texting my friends or socialising with my friends, using social media, travelling to places outside the West Midlands, concentrating on a specific thing for a long time or doing a task which takes a few days to do, cleaning, cooking – but sometimes its hard to keep busy so I am encouraged to keep going and to think positive! the more active and busier I am the more positive I am and it reduces the risk of me self-harming. I have tattoos over some scars which I hope next year when my scars have faded a bit more I can show my arms off I do feel bad with my hundreds of scars, as I feel I would be stared at but I am becoming more confident with my arms and hands I can now wear quarter length t-shirts which I would not of ever thought of doing that 3 years ago. 🙂
Onwards and upwards!