Feeling ‘Unreal’


I get a feeling which is part of depersonalisation where you feel detached from yourself. I have felt it since I was 13/14, I was a teenager at school and I feel like thats the time where everything was going downhill for me including school and around that time I was diagnosed with Autism, which was a huge change in my life from living life in what I thought was ‘normal’ to having a label. I felt different and I feel thats how I started to feel   that I felt unreal. 14 years later, I still feel it every single day and I feel NOBODY understands it, not even professionals they ask how I am doing and not take any notice of feeling unreal feeling which frustrates me. I have been under the learning disability service when I was 19 to 20  before I was in hospital and afterwards since I was 22 and I am now 27, too I see psychology and community nursing and for a short time I had an occupational therapist for a couple of months, and they just have put it down to sensory but for some reason I doubt its that as I have other problems such as Bipolar Disorder and Anxiety not just Autism and I’ve never came across anybody with sensory with not feeling real just those with mental health via Facebook pages/groups. I sometimes self harm to feel real but I can’t do that forever I already have hundreds of scars from my shoulders down to my hands I have self harmed 10 years so far I use it as a way to cope and to prove I am real, and it doesn’t make me feel much better.  I feel one day I could do something awful because of not feeling real I feel like I’m somewhere else, in a dream, on another planet, dead but breathing which is a strange one,  and I’m fed up of feeling like this, I know there are people out there that feel the same but I feel I’m alone with this feeling, but I do feel everybody around me exists just not myself. 100%. of the time I feel my up-down/low mood is down to the unreal bursts I get they come in bursts from 5-minutes to hours long. Its not a very nice feeling to have!!!! I have had some people that say they’ve had feelings like that when they’ve suffered from depression/panic attacks but I get it every single day no matter if I’m feeling good or bad and its exhausting!!!! 

Lucy x 

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