This blog is about how I am and how I deal with times when I am low.
I get low regularly it can be in the daytime but a lot of the times its in the evening. A lot of time there is a trigger it can be anything from a misunderstanding, a word spoken to me or how someone has spoken to me, thinking of the past and what I regret about it, crowds and noisy places get my anxiety high which cause me to be low, feeling worthless, having strong feelings of unreal which is part of dissociation which I feel nearly all of the time, hating myself with how my life’s turned out, feeling alone and not understood. There is other things but there’s too many to list.
I do things when I am low which are negative things, when I am low I don’t do many things that are positive I think of ways to hurt myself or do negative things, such as skip important medication and think of bad thoughts. I call myself names in a bad way too.
When I get low I feel the only way out is spending and being destructive to myself. I do think I’m not like anyone else and I do feel no professional I have ever had has understood me in any sort of way.
At the moment things are up/down and its exhausting !!! I hardly sleep when I feel like this, last night my activity tracker tracked that I had 3 hours 10 minutes sleep.
My wish is to be happier just 1 day without having day after day of being up/down, hopefully one day.