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True friends..

This week has been a eventful week but its shown me who my true friends are I may not have many friends who I see often, but I know one thing I am glad who they are and I am glad they are who they say are cos those friends have been my friends for 7+ years and they know how to make me smile, they give me respect and know my likes and dislikes. I had a friend who isn’t a friend of mine no more he used me, and swore at me, blamed me for things I can never forgive him for he only wanted me to be his girlfriend and I knew that would never happen as I couldn’t go out with someone who’s nearly as old as my parents, he was nice and kind until I saw his real side….

Luke is my true friend he has never let me down he’s funny, kind and gentle and I know that’s the real him. he lives in Swindon but that doesn’t stop him seeing me.

Fatemah and Joannah are my QAC friends who I still see and they are my great friends!!!!

xxx lucy xx

and to all my other friends who I talk to — you’re great too!!

 

 

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My friend Joannah

my friend Joannah … 🙂

I met Joannah in 2008 at Queen Alexandra College. I met her when i began as a residential student and she had just started the college . We became good friends from the beginning we have never lost touch we still speak regularly on what’s app or Facebook we have had our ups and downs but we have always overcome the downs. At college she was known as mini me Joannah liked the same things as me . Joannahs always been there for me when I was in hospital she sent me a card and wanted to see me but for some reason she couldn’t due to other patients mental health. Joannah is kind, funny in a good way, a good friend and someone who I want to be my friend for life ! I can’t wait to see her soon !

Lucy xx 💕

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Life with sensory.

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I have had sensory I would say since I was a child I have struggled for quite a lot of years with noise and touch especially. When I was a child I struggled with certain things like riding a bike, swimming and  learning to crawl as a baby. I struggled with crowds I wasn’t very sociable at school I was alone a lot of the time but I didn’t cause trouble I was just quiet!!! 

I had my first sensory integration assessment when I was in hospital 2011/2012 but I have recently had an in-depth assessment that’s gone on for about 4/5 months, which confirmed I do have sensory integration.

I have bad feelings and thoughts after certain activities where sensory is present such as for example; being in crowded, busy places can make me feel anxious which leads to my evening being negative. In some places that I’ve had bad experiences I tend to not go again for example discos they scare me with all the loud noise, talking, lights, loud music…etc. It even took me years and years to go back to the cinema from when I was 9 because I got sick in the cinema and I thought it would happen again, it took 7 years for me to go back and I was frightened off the large screen. 

I have over responsive sensory, which means for example my brain has incoming signals of TV loud, people talking loudly and the behaviour I may use is putting my hands over my ears, self harming behaviours, walks out of the room, stand in the corner of the room not being able to move because of anxiety, but in future I could reduce the levels of noise by having TV on low volume or off, go to places where its quieter and then there should be less negative behaviours and anxiety should be less. 

I do not touch other people, I hate touch off other people I look all uncomfortable if someone touches me I hate light touch especially it feels painful too me and I hate wearing woolly jumpers made from a certain type of wool. 

I am very clumsy I was always dropping drinks when I lived at home with my family my bedroom carpet had stains all over especially from Pepsi max. 

I hate loud noises, I hate certain noises like tapping, chewing gum off other people, drills, sirens, banging, loud voices and shouting.

I have problems with movement sometimes as I can sit for long periods of time without really moving which can give signals to my brain that feels like I am disconnecting from the world. 

I am going to use different strategies in the future with the help of occupational therapists to help me build a sensory routine which they call it a sensory diet which is putting things in place to help me stay alert and stay calm and not go into a zone where I’m unresponsive. I am changing my routine especially my evening routine which will be a slow process. 

Living with sensory can be exhausting, can be difficult but its a journey along the way. 

x Lucy x 

 

 

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When I get low. . .

Hello,

This blog is about how I am and how I deal with times when I am low.

I get low regularly it can be in the daytime but a lot of the times its in the evening.  A lot of time there is a trigger it can be anything from a misunderstanding, a word spoken to me or how someone has spoken to me, thinking of the past and what I regret about it, crowds and noisy places get my anxiety high which cause me to be low, feeling worthless, having strong feelings of unreal which is part of dissociation which I feel nearly all of the time, hating myself with how my life’s turned out, feeling alone and not understood. There is other things but there’s too many to list.

I do things when I am low which are negative things, when I am low I don’t do many things that are positive I think of ways to hurt myself or do negative things, such as skip important medication and think of bad thoughts. I call myself names in a bad way too.

When I get low I feel the only way out is spending and being destructive to myself. I do think I’m not like anyone else and I do feel no professional I have ever had has understood me in any sort of way.

At the moment things are up/down and its exhausting !!! I hardly sleep when I feel like this, last night my activity tracker tracked that I had 3 hours 10 minutes sleep. 

My wish is to be happier just 1 day without having day after day of being up/down, hopefully one day. 

Lucy xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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World Autism Awareness Week !!

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Hi,

This week will be national autism awareness week and April is autism awareness month. I feel strongly about autism awareness I am autistic and I wish their was more awareness when I was younger as I wasn’t diagnosed until the age of 13 but these days there is more awareness but still not much out there for adults on the autistic spectrum for example groups and activity’s; I struggle to find things to do as I cant work a full time job 7 days a week and awareness needs to be made to make autism more known about especially to those who are older. Autism is mainly focused on children and I feel there should be more awareness for adults when I search for groups its either aimed at children or elderly no  in-between. I don’t struggle with my autism but some behaviours with my autism make anxiety and my moods struggle like obsessive about certain things, obsessive about routines on evenings, unexpected changes trigger anxiety, thinking thoughts which are the same and negative thoughts repeat themselves, I get extremely anxious doing new things which I do put off if I get to anxious; to name some. I sometimes judge myself comparing myself to others to what I call ‘normal people’ which I suppose there’s no such thing as normal but back when I was 11/12 I didn’t ever expect to be told I was autistic but I have learnt to accept myself over the years. I take each day as it comes I enjoy the things I do and try not to dwell on what I cannot do I feel I am more positive after years of negative behaviours. Autism doesn’t put a downer on your life if you’re mild/high functioning you can lead a great life doing things you want to do you may need a little support with some things but don’t think because you’re autistic you cant do certain things; I volunteer hopefully to go onto a paid job, I go to college in a mainstream class and I’ve passed a reading English exam, I am joining an art group which I’m looking forward to as I love drawing and I am achieving more in my life than I ever thought I would 6/7 years ago.

 

Lucy x 

 

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A Update

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hi,

Its been a while since I wrote on here. I’ve been quite busy been kept very busy at voluntary work with new tasks which is great. Its snowed here a couple of weeks ago which caused all sorts of chaos such as being stuck in so I watched Netflix all day I have got addicted to an American television series called Pretty little Liars. I have been settled just bored of my daily life but I am going to look for new things to do during the day. I have let myself fall of my diet at weight watchers so going to try again may go back to group its very difficult trying to do it on your own I have found out. I am seeing my good friend Nick on Saturday we are going to the cinema to see Peter Rabbit movie cant wait and seeing my friend Fatemah the week after aswell. I have known Fatemah 12 years this year in September I cant believe I’ve been friends with someone so long and not fell out or lost touch. My thoughts have been a bit weird especially recently wanting to come off my medication was one but I don’t think that would be helpful. I am thinking about selling some of my drawings especially my cartoon ones. 

 

x lucy x

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New Tattoo !!!

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Hello,

This blog post is about my ‘Tattoo’

I had this tattoo which has the autism jigsaw puzzle in the butterfly which is a meaningful tattoo to me, as I am on the autistic spectrum and by having this tattoo it shows that I don’t blame any single thing on my autism in my diagnosis or day to day life, I battle every day as it comes –  sometimes I struggle sometimes I don’t. I have anxieties and sometimes I have to think of where to go especially if theres a certain place I want to go that has large crowds and noise. I have had a struggle especially with sensory issues over the years and struggling to adapt to change.  I take each day as it comes both with my autism and my mental health. I am mildly affected with my autism but sensory is still a huge involvement in my life even with mild autism. 

I have achieved certain things in my life even with a learning disability and autism;

Passing an English exam in mainstream recently in level 1 functional skills English, Being able to create a blog and get views, being able to do Art work such as drawing and make drawings to realistic , being able to design and make cards to send out at Christmas, Being accepted into volunteering in any of my volunteering placements that I have had over the past few years, Having my own flat in a rented property and keeping my flat looking nice and passing all inspection reports, Managing money it took a while with some mistakes but I am finally managing my money in a positive way, Reading and writing well, not seeing professional team regularly anymore, Socialising and going out more often than I did a couple of years ago, Knowing what I want in life and making decisions on my own more often and I have some good positive hobbies and qualities about myself which can be used in day to day life.

x Lucy x 

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My 28th Birthday….

This blog is about my birthday which was on Saturday 17th February 2018. IMG_3885My 28th birthday was a whole weekend of celebrating.

Friday afternoon I had a meal with my Mum and Dad and got my cards and presents ready for Saturday and I got a personalised balloon.

Saturday was my actual birthday where I started opening my presents and cards in the morning. At lunch me and my support worker had afternoon tea. I went to the theatre to see Shrek the musical which was fabulous. I got home and got a surprise bunch of flowers off my close friend Luke which were delivered by Interflora.

Some of the gifts I got were; 2 Pandora rings, a jumper from Quiz, a necklace, money, next gift card, art pens and a clipboard, and 2 fat friends theatre tickets (off Nick) I had some lovely cards too.

Sunday I had another meal with Mum and Dad where we went to Pesto Italian restaurant in Sutton Coldfield it was a lovely meal, Then I went to my aunts in the afternoon with Mum and Dad and had a lovely birthday cake. 

It was a lovely 28th birthday!!! 

Thank you to all who gave me a card, presents or money it was very kind of you all.

Lucy. x 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Sensory Integration

Hello

 

I have a mild learning disability and mild autism and have recently been told I have sensory integration disorder or sensory processing disorder as its sometimes known as.

What is it?

Sensory integration is when someone has trouble with there senses but those with the disorder can may have trouble with co-ordination such as balance, be clumsy by dropping items or bumping into items for example.

The five senses are; touch, taste, hearing, sight and  smell.. 

the symptoms can be getting tired easily after doing a task/activity, poor balance, find instructions hard to follow, poor posture, doesn’t like new activities, distressed by noise, notice background sounds that others cannot hear, can notice smells more than others, high tolerance to pain, may be sensitive to certain clothing, behaviour problems, may not want to socialise.

My story,

I am sensitive to noise and touch I have noticed it and family have noticed it for a long time, years actually –  since I lived at home with my family. I get really stressed out with noises especially loud noises i’ve always avoided discos that others go to in my care company cos I know it would increase my anxiety levels when I got home, I used to cover my hands over my ears when I lived at home when the family were talking, or I would put my head on the table with my hands over my ears, or I would spend a lot if time in my bedroom but that turned into a negative thing to do in the end as I started harming myself. I get irritated by certain noises and I  will only have the television, radio, speaker on a low volume as I cannot stand it to high in volume. I avoid touch as much as possible I won’t sit too close to people, I avoid hugs, I hate someone tapping me or touching me in every single way. 

I have recently had a full assessment off learning disability -occupational therapy which included sensory and praxis tests and I had a 1:1 assessment too which was done a few months earlier before the full assessment which was 16 tests. I was tested on most of the senses and I failed quite a lot of the tests which showed them that I have sensory problems and how much I use my sight to help me also they said how bad my co-ordination and balance can be.

I will be having a sensory diet routine put into place also my support workers will have 2 lots of training. 

 

Lucy xx 

 

 

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Feeling alone.

Hello

This blog is about ‘feeling alone’

I often feel alone/lonely its a feeling that always returns, I’ve had the feeling of feeling alone for a very long time since school and I left secondary school at 16 in 2006. 

I have a few friends and I have a loving family but I feel like I have nobody at times which is sad. 

I compare myself to others who have lots of friends who seem happy and who can socialise and especially with those who haven’t got a  learning disability/mental health problems. 

I have kept my few friends for many years they mean everything to me but I tend to wish I had more friends I could see and socialise with but a plus side to that I made a friend in the past year who’s been a real great friend to me.

I wish I could think more positive to think of the great things about having family and a few close friends, but I rarely think of positives.

I am not in a relationship I haven’t had one for many years one, due to the problems I have had I do want one but I always feel nobody would want me with my history of self harm, mental health, my bad negative thoughts,  and so on..I have had a few relationships previously but they never worked out and one really affected me mentally which stays with me to this day in what he did and what he said to me, it was in 2008, I feel thats the  reason I am lonely a lot of the time is that I have nobody to see on a regular basis – I have a friend who lives in Swindon who I see monthly but I feel a month is a long time to see a friend, but my friend in Swindon knows how to make me smile and make me feel good.

I hope one day I can feel content in the way I am and to accept myself for who I am and accept the small amount of friends I have,  and stop comparing myself to others who may not be 100% happy themselves. 

 

Lucy x